A belated happy new year!!!
Well, I haven’t posted for months… this keeps happening to me, I’m so sorry, y’all. And you’ve probably noticed that my header looks a tad different.
That’s because I feel that my old header, while very peaceful and pretty, didn’t really capture what my site was about. But I like this new one. I think it suits me much better.
Anyway, on to the gist of the post!
Anyone who knows me well knows that I deal with anxiety. Like crazy anxiety. To the point where it basically consumes me and causes all kinds of trouble for me. I’m talking muscle tension, sometimes spasms, insomnia because of all the muscle tension, headaches, exhaustion, and the list goes on.
But the bible says not to be anxious about anything (Phil 4:6). So why am I so anxious about everything?
It seems like the impossible to just let it go and not worry, not stress about stuff. I can’t even count the number of people who have told me not to worry, to just relax and stop thinking about it. It’s frustrating to me because I don’t know how to do that.
I mean, relaxation?! What even is that?!
I tell people that if I knew how to relax, I would. It’s sad, but true. I can’t make myself relax, I can’t even let myself relax. I don’t know how.
I know that God tells us not to worry, not to be anxious, but I struggle so hard with it.
Philippians 4:7 says “and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” But we have to surrender our burdens to Him before we can receive His peace. So how do I surrender my burdens to Him? I guess I just don’t know how to let go.
The next verse says to only think on things that are honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, anything excellent or worth of praise. But how do I do that when someone cuts me off on the road and I’m in a hurry and get upset? How do I do that when my bosses schedule me on a day that I’ve requested off and I have to come in because there’s no one else and I’m furious at them for ruining my plans?
There will always be little somethings that are going to come into our lives and distract us from what God wants. There will be random bad thoughts that pop into our heads even though we’re only supposed to think on good things. There will be unexpected conflicts in our everyday lives that make us mad.
But what I’m very slowly learning is that it’s alright. It’s alright as long as we don’t intentionally get mad at those occurrences or intentionally think those bad thoughts. It’s alright if, after it happens, we turn to God and tell Him that we’re sorry and trust that He forgives us and gives us a whole new start.
Life is full of pitfalls and worries and stress and anxiety and you name it. It can be crazy and overwhelming at times. I don’t have the answers to how to surrender my burdens over to God and feel His peace and magically stop stressing. I wish I did. But I know that God calls me to just give it my best, and at the end of the day, if I fail to live up to those standards, it’s alright – because I have a loving Father in heaven who can see into my heart and knows when I’m trying my best but that I’m weak and imperfect, and so He opens His arms wide to me and welcomes me back to rest and try again tomorrow.
It’s midnight while I’m writing this… and now that I am sufficiently tired and so ready for bed, I’ll end this here. Fingers crossed for a good night’s sleep! haha